Posts Tagged ‘trust’

The other day my mom said “I hope there is no dust in heaven.”  To that I said, isn’t heaven supposed to be perfect?  How can there be dust in heaven if heaven is perfect?  Plus we don’t know how heaven is physically.  Aren’t we outside of our bodies in heaven?  Aren’t we in heaven in spirit only?  I don’t know.  What are your thoughts on heaven?

Right now due to circumstances I am living with my parents apart from my husband.  I don’t want to be but maybe that is best for me and for us for now.  Kevin and I are rebuilding.  I think it is good that I am able to spend time with my parents, especially my mom since she is having trouble with her health.  This also gives me time to focus on me and I think I need that for now.  It is so hard being apart from Kevin.  Somehow this is part of God’s plan and I am trusting Him but this is so hard.

I have tried to keep up on what happened at the recent Synod on the Family but I need to read up on it a bit.  I am waiting for the English version of the final synod report to be released.

A friend suggested that I read James in the Bible so I have started reading James.  In chapter 1 James talks about having perseverance when going through trials.  Even in trials we are called to trust in God and have faith.  We need to lean on God in these tough times.

I have started my own jewelry shop on Etsy.  I am excited and will be posting more items to sell soon.

Have a blessed Sunday!

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“Once, I had night duty, and I was suffering greatly in spirit because of the painting of the image, and I no longer knew which way to turn because they were constantly trying to convince me that the whole thing was an illusion.  On the other hand, one priest said that perhaps God wanted to be worshiped through this image and therefore I ought to try to get it painted.  Meanwhile, my soul was becoming extremely exhausted.  When I entered the little chapel, I brought my head close to the tabernacle, knocked and said, ‘Jesus look at the great difficulties I am having because of the painting of this image.’  And I heard a voice from the tabernacle, My daughter, your sufferings will not last much longer.

                                                                                                                                St. Faustina 

                                                                                                                               Diary Number 152


My Thoughts:  Lord Jesus I give you my great difficulties today to do with as you wish.  Mend them.  Don’t mend them.  Show me a different path.  Don’t show me a different way.  Heal me.  Don’t heal me.  Please help me to see how everything I am going through has a purpose and a place in your plan for me.  I ask you to guide me along the correct path.  Amen. 

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Psalm 87

The Joy of Living in Zion

Of the Korahites. A Psalm. A Song.

On the holy mount stands the city he founded;
    the Lord loves the gates of Zion
    more than all the dwellings of Jacob.
Glorious things are spoken of you,
    O city of God.  Selah

Among those who know me I mention Rahab and Babylon;
    Philistia too, and Tyre, with Ethiopia[a]
    ‘This one was born there,’ they say.

And of Zion it shall be said,
    ‘This one and that one were born in it’;
    for the Most High himself will establish it.
The Lord records, as he registers the peoples,
    ‘This one was born there.’  Selah

Singers and dancers alike say,
    ‘All my springs are in you.’

Psalm 88

Prayer for Help in Despondency

A Song. A Psalm of the Korahites. To the leader: according to Mahalath Leannoth. A Maskil of Heman the Ezrahite.

O Lord, God of my salvation,
    when, at night, I cry out in your presence,
let my prayer come before you;
    incline your ear to my cry.

For my soul is full of troubles,
    and my life draws near to Sheol.
I am counted among those who go down to the Pit;
    I am like those who have no help,
like those forsaken among the dead,
    like the slain that lie in the grave,
like those whom you remember no more,
    for they are cut off from your hand.
You have put me in the depths of the Pit,
    in the regions dark and deep.
Your wrath lies heavy upon me,
    and you overwhelm me with all your waves.  Selah

You have caused my companions to shun me;
    you have made me a thing of horror to them.
I am shut in so that I cannot escape;
    my eye grows dim through sorrow.
Every day I call on you, O Lord;
    I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you work wonders for the dead?
    Do the shades rise up to praise you?  Selah
11 Is your steadfast love declared in the grave,
    or your faithfulness in Abaddon?
12 Are your wonders known in the darkness,
    or your saving help in the land of forgetfulness?

13 But I, O Lord, cry out to you;
    in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 O Lord, why do you cast me off?
    Why do you hide your face from me?
15 Wretched and close to death from my youth up,
    I suffer your terrors; I am desperate.[a]
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
    your dread assaults destroy me.
17 They surround me like a flood all day long;
    from all sides they close in on me.
18 You have caused friend and neighbour to shun me;
    my companions are in darkness.

Here are my thoughts after reading and praying: 

Yes, the Lord loves me.  I question whether the He loves me.  I am in pain, constantly.  How can a good God allow me to be in such extreme pain?  I think, there must be a purpose, but don’t know what.  in my heart I know that Jesus loves me but my brain questions His love for me.  I am sympathetic to those who wonder how an all good, omniscient, and omnipotent God can allow such horrible tragedies, diseases, disasters, and turmoil in this world?  We need to remember that God does not intervene in persons free will decisions.  In going through my pain I have become closer to Christ.  Are these sufferings a wake up call?  God wants us to be closer to Him but these tragedies are odd ways for that to occur.  Yet we do not understand the ways of the Lord.  The Lord calls us to trust Him.  This is hard when going through tough times.  We are called to have faith that God has a plan for each of us and that He will guide and take us to where we need to be. 


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 In prayer yesterday I talked to God about the craziness that is going on in both our lives.  I expressed that I trust the Lord but am unsure about what is going to happen in the future.  I know God is watching over us in the good and bad times but the unknowing about the future is a bit nerve-racking.  God is our rock.  The Lord is our fortress.  God is our guide.  God is love.  God is always there for us.  During prayer the Lord led me to Psalm 46. 

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.



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In #55 of Sister Faustina Kowalska’s Diary she received spiritual counsel from Father Adrasz, S.J.  This is one of Father’s instructions for St. Faustina:

“Let God push your boat out into the deep waters, toward the unfathomable depths of the interior life.” 



shallow water






deep water


Are we afraid to let Jesus into the deep depths of our interior life?  Do we allow God into our lives enough so He can change us?    So the Lord is able to transform each of us into better beings?  Do we stop our boat from entering into deep waters?  Do we put limits on what we will allow God to do in each of our lives?  Do we put a shield up because we are afraid to change?

I pray, talk to God, trust in the Lord’s will for me more than I used to but. . . I find myself asking whether I allow God into the deep waters of my soul.  Do I only allow God to enter the shallow depths of my interior self?  Do I stop God from pushing my boat into deep waters?  I am guarded to a certain degree because of past events which happened in my life.  While I trust in God more than I used to I know that I need to allow Him enter the deepest depths of my soul.  I need to not push back and stop my boat from entering deeper waters.  God Bless.



H/T for images: amustard.com



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Here is part of what Pope Francis spoke on the Via Crucis: 

I do not wish to add too many words. One word should suffice this evening, that is the Cross itself. The Cross is the word through which God has responded to evil in the world. Sometimes it may seem as though God does not react to evil, as if he is silent. And yet, God has spoken, he has replied, and his answer is the Cross of Christ: a word which is love, mercy, forgiveness. It also reveals a judgment, namely that God, in judging us, loves us. If I embrace his love then I am saved, if I refuse it, then I am condemned, not by him, but my own self, because God never condemns, he only loves and saves.

Doesn’t it seem like sometimes God doesn’t react to evil?  The way we think He should? As I was thinking about Pope Francis’ words I could see how they could be applicable in our own lives.  Much of the time we want to be the driver because we believe that we know what’s best for ourselves.  But a good deal of the time we just need to sit back, be a passenger, and let God be the driver.  We need to follow God’s will, not ours. We need to let God take care of a troubled relationship, someone who is sick, an individual who is fighting addiction, a person who has withdrawn from the Faith, or when dealing with an unexpected bump in the road in our own lives.  Jesus died on the Cross to save all of humanity.  Sometimes our reactions can do more harm than good. I believe sometimes we are called to be silent, pray, and trust that God will change a person’s heart and take care of the situation in His good time. 

With my being childless and having a hysterectomy due to my health issues I could be angry at God, but I’m not. Maybe something bad would have happened during my pregnancy if I had become pregnant? While it may have been my will to have been able to have kids it wasn’t God’s will. I am called to trust that God’s will is better for me. Maybe God has called me to a different path? Something that I may not have been able to do if I had kids right now? So even though you may be going through a trial in your life right now or dealing with something unexpected maybe God is preparing a better way for you? Maybe He is leading you in a different direction for a very special purpose? 

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coping with unknown radical acceptance DBT


To think life could throw me a curve ball after all I have been through this past  nine months with having my hysterectomy. I could say I can’t take it anymore or this is the last straw and give up, but I’m not. I know God has sent me some wonderful doctors who are taking very good care of me. I know God’s plan for me is better than my own. Even though I am a bit scared and worried I am also trusting in Him. I was recently told that I my red blood cells are too big and not dividing, multiplying as they should. Apparently my blood red cells have been like this for over a year but my doctors thought it was because I had a B12 deficiency. But now my B12 level and everything else with my blood work is good so my doctors aren’t sure what is causing my red blood cells to be too big. So now there sending me to see a hematologist (a blood doctor).  This could explain some of symptoms. I know is with me as I go through this medical issue. I know that our Lord will make this curve ball straight. As I watched the 7th & 8th graders perform The Stations of the Cross this evening I know that this is just one more little cross, along with all the other stuff, that I’m going through will offer this up in union with Jesus on the Cross. It is especially important to do that at this time since we are coming upon Holy Week when Jesus made a Holy Sacrifice by His death on the cross. God loves us so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to die for us to redeem our sins.  The phrase “make straight the way of the Lord” came into my mind so I did some scripture searching and found these: 

Mal. 3:1, “Behold, I am going to send My messenger, and he will clear the way before Me. And the Lord [adonai], whom you seek, will suddenly come to His temple; and the messenger of the covenant, in whom you delight, behold, He is coming,” says the Lord [YHWH] of hosts.”

“The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. 2As it is written in Isaiah the prophet, “Behold, I send My messenger before Your face, who will prepare Your way; 3The voice of one crying in the wilderness, ‘Make ready the way of the Lord, make His paths straight,'” (Mark 1:1-3).

“He [John the Baptist] said, ‘I am a voice of one crying in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way of the Lord,’ as Isaiah the prophet said,'” (John 1:23).

Which is really weird since the above scripture passages are about the coming of  Jesus and next week we will be commemorating the  Passion of Jesus. 

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God, may I ask you a question?

I got this in an email from my dad. 


Hi God. It’s me.

May I ask you a question?

God: Sure.

Me: Promise You won’t get mad?

: I promise.

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do you mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late.

God: Yes.

Me: My car took forever to start.

God: Okay.

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait.

God: Huummm.

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call.

God: All right.

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home, I just want to soak my feet in my new
foot massager & relax. But it wouldn’t work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.

Me (humbled): OH!

GOD: I didn’t let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route who
would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn’t want you to
catch what they have, I knew you couldn’t afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay.

God: Your phone went dead because the person who was calling was going to give false
witness about what you said on that call, I didn’t even let you talk to them so you would
be covered.

Me (softly): I see God.

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a short that was going to throw out all of
the power in your house tonight. I didn’t think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I’m Sorry God.

God: Don’t be sorry, just learn to Trust Me…. in All things , the good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don’t doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won’t God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You’re welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking
after my children…

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Sometimes it can be difficult to trust the Lord when you are going through hardships. Whether it be financial, health, car or relationship troubles it can be hard to trust in the Lord.  You may ask “why?”  or “How am I going to get through this?”  People may even get angry at God but please know that He is with you through it all. God is with each of us as we go through the struggles in our lives.  God will guide us as we go through our ordeals.  We need to lean on Him and pray harder.  I could be angry at God about my having a hysterectomy and still having health issues afterwards but I’m not.  I know that He’s beside me and that God knows all that is going on with me. I feel God like never before. Everything happens for a purpose. God needs me to go through this bit of suffering for one reason or another.  When God’s plan for me is apparent I’ll know.  God always has something good come from bad so I am trusting in the Lord. 

I get emails from GodTube and am sharing this reflection:

Suffering with God

Romans 5:3-5

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. (v.3).

Pain. We take pills to ease it, hold prayer meetings to heal it, develop strategies to avoid it, and think up philosophies to explain it. We rarely, however, consider suffering as part of God’s plan for our lives.

Classic spiritual authors take a different approach to suffering. Take the 17th-century monk Brother Lawrence, for example. Lame in one leg and acquainted with illness, in The Practice of the Presence of God,he says: “I have been often near expiring, but I never was so much satisfied as then. Accordingly, I did not pray for any relief, but I prayed for strength to suffer with courage, humility, and love. Ah, how sweet it is to suffer with God!”

“The heart is stretched through suffering, and enlarged,” wrote renowned Quaker teacher Thomas Kelly. He believed that suffering helps us feel God’s burden for a world in pain and encourages us to respond.

Or let me give a more recent example. In 1967, a diving accident left Joni Eareckson Tada a quadriplegic. She told me this during a radio interview: “Christians sometimes want to erase suffering out of the dictionary. [But] if you read the Bible, you’ll see that it is often God’s best tool to make us more like Jesus.”

There’s nothing wrong with visiting a doctor when we’re sick, and we should pray when we’re ill (James 5:13-18). But Brother Lawrence, Thomas Kelly, and Joni Eareckson Tada discovered something deeper about suffering: God wants to use it to transform our character (Romans 5:3-5), make us mature (James 1:2-4), give us empathy for others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4), prove our faith (1 Peter 1:7), and make us like Jesus (Romans 8:28-29).

“How sweet it is to suffer with God!” are the words of people who can rejoice in suffering (Romans 5:3), because God’s purposes in it are their priority.

—Sheridan Voysey


In our suffering we can become closer to Christ. We can offer our suffering in union with the Cross. We can become more like Jesus.

During one of my major trials in my life a friend of mine said to me that you are like Jesus. I thought to myself “Am I like Jesus?” My friend said you are being wrongly accused and persecuted so you are like Jesus. I realized that Yes, I was like Jesus in this way.  But I asked myself, “Do I really want to be like Jesus if this is what it takes?”  Back then as I was going through my ordeal I said “no”.  But now that I look back and have grown in my faith I say “Yes, this is what we are called to be, called to be Christlike.” Being like Christ means being wronged and persecuted just as He was. We are all called to be martyrs for Christ. Going through sufferings during our lives is like us becoming martyrs little by little.


those who trust in the Lord

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On Wednesday my husband dropped me off so I could pick up my prescription. Since my doctor’s office is at a hospital we devised a plan so we wouldn’t need to spend money on parking in the hospital lot. So when I was done picking up my prescription I called him as planned but his phone went straight to voicemail. Even though I was in pretty bad pain I didn’t want to just sit there or stand waiting for him. So I decided to take a walk down the street. I can’t explain it but I had this feeling like I was being called to walk, almost like God was leading me somewhere. As I walked I would occasionally call him but I still received no answer and no call back. I walked by faith. I knew that there was a Catholic book store down the street run by some nuns but I thought that I would get a hold of Kevin before I made it that far. Not sure how long a walk it was but it wasn’t a short distance. I had made it to the Catholic book store (might be called Sacred Heart Book Store but I forget the name) so I entered the store. I had been in there before a couple of times but it had been a while. Surprisingly one of the nuns remembered me. I began looking around at the books and we began talking. I told them about my endo troubles and that I was going to have surgery soon. They said they would keep me in their prayers and to write my name in their book of intentions. So I did.

Kevin finally found me. Between the both of us we found a few books that we liked. The nuns were so kind. As we were about to leave they gave us holy water and they let me pick out a saint prayer card with a relic. How awesome! One of the nuns (wish I could remember her name) said that we could put holy water in hot tea or any drink. Kevin and I had never heard of this. We both thought that using holy water in this fashion would have been considered to be sacrilegious. But it isn’t. That was pretty cool to find out. Plus, they suggested for me to stop by the Oratory to get a blessing before my surgery. I had called my priest at my parish so I could receive the Anointing of the Sick before my surgery but I haven’t heard anything from him for five days. Even though the nuns said to just drop by I am going to call the Oratory to make an appointment. I know that God led me to that Catholic book store. God is so good. We are all called to walk by faith, not by sight.

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